Hope it's far enough.
When I realized that the artist who spoke to me the most had turned their back on me for a set of pretty eyes. I knew I was done for good. It took me awhile to accept it, but I have come to terms with it all. When their words are hollow and don't mean anything to you anymore what's left to support? When you realize your heros are not who you think they are it stings. I believe it to be permanent. My 16 years supporting Texas Music ended just like a good country song, and I'm at peace with it all. I won't miss a thing about any of it.
Looking back, I should have walked away when Jimmy Perkins told me he was going to essentially steal my idea and charge people for it. As a charged up fan for the music and the movement I ignored the warning signs. I didn't understand the business side of things. I know a little bit more now, but have always tried to navigate around that piece of the puzzle. Despite having my reservations. I dove right in as I always have. When I'm passionate about something, one should buckle up. I go in.
We put on 16 festivals in the name of one guy who showed up to one of them in all those years. You can't help but question, "What the fuck am I supporting here?"
I could have walked around year 7 after I went into management business with a couple of liars. I still have an email to this day that reads, "Let's just lie to Jon Paul and tell him..."
I crap you negative. Talk about a shit storm. I quit a 50,000 a year job at that point to chase my dream. This incident happened 2 months into the new adventure. Be careful who you accidentally forward an email to. You never know who's reading. I can't remember a time I ever felt more deceived. How was something I loved so much, hurting so badly? I had to walk from that deal and we had one of my "heroes" on the roster. It didn't make sense, but I still had fire in my belly for the music. As frustrated as I was about these things I felt like I had a family within Galleywinter. I was going to scale back my involvement on all things business relating to music. Focus on Greenfest. Stay in my lane. Get back to the reasons I fell in love with the scene and the music. Get back to the music family I had broken apart because of my decisions in my personal life. Try as I may, I was never able to get Humpty Dumpty back together again. In 16 years I never really considered myself all that much of an insider to the scene. There is an "in-crowd" in Texas Music/Red Dirt and let me tell you. There are a lot of fucking snakes in the den. I'm talking "friend of the week" people. You too can be "in" as long as you're doing shit for them. I'm nobody's bitch in this deal. I don't try to take money from people by lying about my level of passion for their art. I either believe in it or I don't. I never tried to pad my pockets for someone else's hustle and hard work. I never took on a project or put my creativity into anything for fiscal reasons. I did it because I believed in that someone. As a fan, I wanted to help. I wanted to be part of their success.
I'm not saying it was all bad. I mean, Leroy Powell and the Messengers fucking rocked. Seriously, I have some real people in my life from it. I got to run around with Lincoln Durham and Uncle Lucius. LD, taught me a lot in our year together. He showed me what going in every night looks like. He showed me what being passionate was again. I got to see things I otherwise might have not. I'm so appreciative. I drove his bride crazy, so we had to separate, but I have nothing but love there. He's the most talented guy to cross my path in all my years. It's not even close. Same thing for my brothers in Uncle Lucius. Those guys always kept it 100 with me. They treated me like a brother and made me feel part of them. I wish them all nothing but the best. They are the best rock band to play a "Texas Music" stage. That's my opinion and I will go to the grave with it.
At the end of the day, I wanted community and to throw a badass party (Greenfest) every year with my friends. I don't even know who those folks are anymore, so I've moved on. I found other things for myself. If I had all the time back I spent investing in the other artist. I would have put it into myself a little more. I'm about to be 44 years old. The past 16 years has been a rollercoaster. A lot of it because the choices I've made. I'm certainly not blameless for some of my reactions to the actions of others. The things I cared for the most are no longer real to me. A lot of the artist I believed in showed me who they really are as people. I'm no longer interested. The relationships have proved to be more hurtful than fruitful.
You're welcome for the free website by the way. You remember the one. Bunch of fucking takers.
These are just some of the things that ended this run for me ultimately. I just can't see myself spending anymore time promoting "The Scene." 3/4 of the music coming out isn't all that great anyway. A lot of the women are putting out the best stuff honestly. I spent a lot of years trying to find the next "big thing." It's just not going to come out of the "Texas/Red Dirt scene in my opinion. Artists like Sturgill and Stapleton are making sure of that. My advice to the young guy or gal is don't try and find your way into the Texas/Red Dirt scene. Find your own way. Don't do what's already been done. We've all heard that shit before. Don't lock yourself into playing the same bogus festivals, venues, and opening for the these bands. When you can guess the headliners year after year after fucking year. Guess what? You're part of a scene that's stuck in a loop. Where's our Sturgill Simpson? Where's our Chris Stapleton? He or she doesn't exist in this scene. Those guys don't belong to us. We talk about them, but they don't belong to this scene. We borrow them so we don't have to talk about the same damn bands all the time. Be you, keep it real, be original.
I wish the other guys who helped me with GW nothing but the best moving forward. I just lost my belief in it all. I'm not going to be part of something I feel so negatively about now. That's not fair to anybody. When you feel like a negative cog in the wheel. You need to see yourself out. That's exactly what I did.
For everyone who appreciated my efforts over the years, thank you so much. It was all real. I wasn't trying to get in your pockets. If I spoke of you and your talent I meant it. If you're glad to see me gone that is all good too. I give no shits about you and you're probably shittier than this scene has made you. Step out of this comfort zone and you're probably a shadow of yourself in front of someone who is really listening.
Last thing about "Texas Music Scene." I want to make sure I tuck everyone in properly with this one. One of the major business players in your scene is a confirmed panty drawer sniffing stalker. I know a gal who stepped out of her shower, wrapped in a towel. This creepy bastard had let himself into her home and was standing in her bedroom. He wasn't invited. Good luck with your business adventures and sleeping tonight.
What will I do to support my love for music? I've already figured that out. I've invested that passion into my sons favorite music. Our connection through music is real and something I know will never be broken. I've had to open my mind to a few new genres, but I'm good with it. It's actually fun again. My dad was always saying, "Why are you listening to that bullshit?" I don't want to be that dad. I want to try and understand. I want to try and find my way into his world instead of forcing him into mine. Looking at going to my first Hip Hop festival with him. I'm actually excited. Hip Hop music got my ass in shape.
I'm not bitter. I'm not mad. I just finally don't care to be part of that world anymore. Most insincere friendships I've ever had. Won't be available for another blindside.
Not Still Here,
Like me, Love me, Hate me,